Kickin' it with Murph

Identity Series

2011-02-01T12:43:00.000-08:00

Identity: The Journey

Sometimes life after college isn't what the brochure said it would be... but we keep moving forward anyway... hoping that we might end up where we're supposed to be.

BUT it's a reality for many, and it's all a part of The Journey.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Marcus Murphy
Motivational Speaker

Identity Series

2011-01-20T07:47:00.000-08:00

Last night was an amazing night to create. I just finished speaking at Arizona State University and ran into some very talented friends... the rest is history.

Introducing... Iam "I am" Jones.

Sunshine

IDENTITY: Iam Jones

Keep It Real.

Murph

Marcus Murphy
Motivational Speaker

Chi City

2010-12-14T23:46:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend my wife Gina and stopped by the CHI!

I LOVE Chicago, deep dish pizza, Kanye West, friendly people, new clients, and old friends... even if it's 12 degrees outside!

But, I have to admit that I love seeing snow on the ground, it truly makes it feel like Christmas.

AND I finally experienced deep dish pizza! I hate to spark a debate, but Giordanos wins hands down in my book!

BUT that same snow on the ground canceled my flight for TWO DAYS!

SO... I had a little extra time on my hands. My good friend Dr. Abhishek Patel escorted me around the city so I could shoot a short film for the blog.

Hope you enjoy Chi Town through my eyes.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Motivational Speaker
Marcus Murphy

Identity Project: Show 1

2010-12-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

Bullying seems to be the HOT topic right now. Recently, I was asked to weigh in on the topic. I came to the conclusion that bullying is directly connected to identity.

So here's the mission. Once a week for 52 weeks I will post a video.

My only hope... is that you pay attention.

Huge thank you to Dr. Abhishek Patel for agreeing to share his identity with me.

Keep It Real

Murph

Marcus Murphy
Motivational Speaker

Dear Revolution

2010-12-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

Happy WEDNESDAY mis amigos!

I'm happy to announce the Revolution Speakers Series.

Coming soon!

Our plan is to also create a video series that will help bring awareness. Here is the second film in the series that I directed and edited for the very talented Tomas Stanton.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Marcus Murphy
Motivational Speaker

The Role Model Epidemic

2010-11-30T06:55:00.001-08:00

I'm excited to announce a new speaker series.

Starting this year I will be conducting a series of talks for adults! Normally I stick with teens, BUT the only way youth in this country stand a chance is with the support and guidance of adults. It's hard to say that because there aren't too many I've met that want to take on that responsibility.

equipped adults + adult involvement = constructive teen development

Last night I was sitting at home and I got CRAZY passionate about the idea, SO I had to do something.

This was a my response:

This video isn't easy to watch... but it's the painful truth... I wish I could do it alone... but it takes a community to raise a child.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Marcus A. Murphy
Motivational Speaker

ROLE with me! Part 2 of 2

2010-10-27T15:48:00.000-07:00

Get your hands DIRTY!

Sounds funny to say that, BUT that IS exactly what it takes to make a difference in someones life.

BUT this is what we fear, right, actually taking the steps to get ALL UP IN someones BID-ness!

Why?

The DEAL

BECAUSE that means we might have to stick around until the end... If you're like me YOU prefer a quick fix. AND this is an environment that we SO comfortably operate in. "Here's a couple bucks" or "I donate every year to blah blah blah"!

PEOPLE! Listen up!

While a generous financial gift is needed, true change can only take place if we invest personally in the development of our nations youth.

AND young people LONG for these relationships.

Sadly the majority of youth and young adults don't have anyone to look up to. Or if they do these "WINNERS" don't deserve their admiration.

So this is my CHARGE... PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Get those hands dirty... AND be a part of someones success story.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Just Cause It's Friday!!!

2010-10-22T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's Friday! AND in honor of this glorious day I thought I would share a video of my AMAZING dance moves!

Enjoy! Happy Friday!

Part 2 or ROLE Models on Mondays blog!

Keep It Real.

Murph

ROLE with me! Part 1 of 2

2010-10-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

Observation: we need more role models!
Solution: try BEING one!

If I hear ONE MORE person say "kids today have no respect" or "when I was growing up we would have NEVER", I will lose my mind!

STOP complaining AND start changing!

Oh how the world would be a better place... If we would just make a commitment to get our hands dirty!

BUT here's the dilemma... Role Models... NEED A ROLE MODEL!

You have to know what a real role model looks like in order to be one...

AND because they're HARD to find! I thought I would make it REAL EASY for you!

Here's MY list of ROLE MODELS, my friends and mentors, people who inspire me daily, AND they're worthy of YO ATTENTION.

Take time to click their names. These are people who are CHANGING the world! AND it's all because they made the CHOICE to get their hands dirty.

1. Matt Chandler
2. Dayton Hughes
3. Bianca Juarez
4. Justin Anderson
5. Jon Bohm
6. Justin and Mary Marantz
7. Josh Shipp
8. Sandy Dover
9. Gina Meola
10. Isaac Dietz

HOMEWORK: make a list.

Take some time RIGHT NOW to write down people in your life that you can look up to. Sometimes the first step to becoming a role model... is surrounding yourself with them.

One day I hope you make it on someones list.

Keep It Real,

Murph

Motivational Speaker

LIAR LIAR, pants on fire!

2010-10-20T16:07:00.000-07:00

LIAR LIAR pants on fire!

Have you heard that before?

I've never liked that saying, because if your pants are on fire... being a LIAR becomes less important!

I've done it... You've done it... We ALL do it... We're LIARS!

"Wait just a minute, who you callin a LIAR?!"

Oh excuse me, I'm sorry. Let me clarify!

YOU!

Yea you, the guy who just told his girlfriend he doesn't look at other women!
Yea you, the one that just told her home gurl " no gurl, your BUTT doesn't look thaaaat BIG"... When we ALL know the DEAL!
Yea you, the guy who told YOU, promised YOU, he would always love you and NEVER hurt you.
Yea you, the girl who's carryin a Prada bag, when we all know it's really a "Fraud-a bag"!
AND yes, even you, the guy who just told that homeless DUDE you didn't have any money... as you hopped in that brand new Benz!

AND the list goes on and on...

BUT so what, right?

Recently I heard someone say "there are bad lies and little white lies".

We've all heard it, "little" white lies. Littttle, cute, cuddly, this's for THEIR safety kinda lies.

Lies that aren't your everyday MANipulating, back stabbing, hurt your feelings, break your heart/trust kinda lies.

Not to sound like an infomercial, BUT even believing in "white" lies... is a LIE!

BUT it's the worst kind of lie...the ones we tell ourselves...

Now that WE know we're liars, what can we do about it?

There's a new product on the market, it's revolutionizing the lying industry, it's called TRUTH.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend it!

TRUTH ain't easy! AND I can make you a promise.... peoples feelings will get hurt, you will be placed in uncomfortable situations, AND telling the TRUTH will not make everyone happy.

Are you okay with that?

Most people aren't.

We want everyone to love us, we don't want to hurt people... BUT sometimes the truth ain't pretty!

BUT let me ask you this... What happens when your friend finds out she doesn't look good in the skin tights... or you're girlfriend catches you lookin at another girl (oh no HE didn't)... or people find out you aren't rich and that bag was bought on the corner of 44th Blvd and HOOD St. AND not Rodeo Blvd.

CRUSHED...

AND what's up with your little white lie now?! Not so LITTLE now...

Like many harmful things lying is a bad habit. It's something we've done our whole lives, so much so that it's become respected and joked about in our culture.

BUT you have a choice. You can make a difference. You actually have the power to change your habits.

It just takes practice.

"And you will know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."

John 8:32

Keep It Real.

Murph

Motivational Speaker

PRIDE: The Silent Killer

2010-10-19T14:32:00.000-07:00

Watch out.

It's sneaky.

It creeps into your life.

When it grows... other people won't notice it right away.

BUT when they do, it'll be to late.

Luckily, I might be able to help.

Have you ever heard "leaders are learners"?

No? Well it's the truth!

AND lately I've been learning how to HUMBLY give my PRIDE a BEAT DOWN!!

Humility is a HARD thing to learn, AND sometimes people never do! Scary

I know what you're thinking, "Murph how do I know if I struggle with this PRIDE thing?!"

Lucky for you I KNOW the ingredients to a delicious bowl of PRIDE STEW:

PRIDE Stew

1/2 a cup of selfish
2 cups of arrogant
a sprinkle of conceited
1 1/2 teaspoons of critical
4 denials of weaknesses
AND a pinch of easily offended

Now mix all that JUNK up and... BAMMMMM!! You've got yourself a nice little piece of CRAP! AND believe me this is EXACTLY how you'll feel, like crap!

"BUT Murph... I don't want to feel like crap!"

Okay... well here's some ways to keep from eating PRIDE stew and becoming you know what!

1) Repeat after me "I WAS WRONG"!
2) Repeat after me "I'm sorry"!
3) Stop talking about yourself ALL the time! (for some of us this means we need to STOP talking... don't worry you'll live... I did)
4) Listen (nothing better than a good listener)
5) Accept failure (you're not perfect, no matter what yo mama told ya)

AND here's the KEEPIN' IT REAL part.

We live in a society that "PRIDES" itself on being PROUD of how you are AND where ya came from!

For this reason fighting PRIDE isn't easy, it takes practice, just like anything else you're trying to get better at. It's a DAILY commitment.

SO like everything else... this is a choice... AND no matter what advice I give you... it's up to YOU...

I believe in you... even if no one else does.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Motivational Speaker

ROLE with me! Part 2 of 2

2010-10-13T16:17:00.000-07:00

STANDING OUT, while fittin in, to college...

2010-08-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

Who wants to go to college?

I hear this question about a MILLION times, especially working with teens. Most students that answer that question say, "YES, of course"!

Then what?

Although it's easy to say they desperately want to go to college, a lot of students have no clue how they're going to get there.

I think the secret to getting into college is a more complex BEAST than your transcripts. If it were just up to grades, there would be machines processing your applications. BUT here's the secret folks... THERE ARE REAL HUMAN BEINGS reading, evaluating, admitting, and denying you.

We MUST take this into consideration, no matter what institution you want to attend.

So here are some things you may not know, but definitely SHOULD!

1. Human, emotional, persuasive, beings read your application.

This is important to know because it makes you rethink how important your essay, recommendation letters, list of activities, personal statements, etc. can be in terms of personalizing your application experience.

Guess what?

The college admissions acceptance rate isn't getting better - in fact, it's getting worse. The more students that want to attend college + the number of applications a school receives + the number of available spots = CRAZY COMPETITION!

2. In the sea of applications YOU need to STAND OUT!

I worked at a university that received approximately 23,000 applications for undergraduate admission EACH year! Oh, and there were only about 3000 available spots!

WHAT?! How can you stand out with those odds?

3. Personalization is the key to the kingdom!

Most higher education institutions give you three main ways to stand out, outside of your transcripts.

a) The Essay
b) Letters of Recommendations
c) A Personal Interview

Essay

The essay is a BIG way to stand out. Don't get me wrong, this isn't an opportunity to make things up or write the "Gimmick" essay! (i.e. "I'm writing my college essay from the perspective of my dog") The objective here is originality... think of the sea of applications. What will make your essay stand out? I love essays they tell me something about who you are, that I wouldn't get from your grades. How would you explain to me who you are? Next, where do you "THINK" you want to go in life. AND finally, how can the institution you're applying to help you get there?

YES, how they can help YOU get to your final destinations?

I'm not sure where this went wrong... at one point colleges/universities wanted you to come to their school, ha. My parents tell me that schools actually used to call them and try to get them to attend! WHAT?! Now it seems like we're at the mercy of the institution!

What's up with that!

You should start to be pickier... these schools need you, START ACTING LIKE IT!

Letter of Rec.

Do you have a teacher that you can hug? Yes? Awesome! They should be writing your recommendation letter. Letters of recommendation can be unhelpful, especially when the teacher doesn't know who you are! AND make sure the teacher LIKES you! Sometimes students pick teacher recommendations based on their grade in that teachers class. I've seen recommendation letters that literally say "She comes to class on time." "He turns in his homework". BOOOOOOOOOO! How bout, "Her smile brightens the room each Monday when EVERYONE can't seem to get into a good mood" or "He's not the most out going student, but his consistency and work ethic inspire his classmates to work harder." Even this recommendation turned what could have been a negative into a positive. "Sometimes his humorous contributions are exactly what we need to get through 8th period Geometry!"

AND if you answered "NO" to the "hug" question, then there are other ways of going about the situation. Some of you attend a BIG high school. Now for some us 500 students is BIG. BUT I'm talking about 1000 to 3000 students! In this case I recommend you obtain a supplemental letter of recommendation. This can be a coach, counselor, or mentor. PREFERABLY an adult! YES, I've seen recommendation letters from YOUR HOMEBOY! (not interested) AND make sure the supplemental rec. isn't from your parents! "MY BABY IS AMAZING!" (No thanks!)

Ultimately, recommendation letters are an opportunity for a respected human being to give you praise. Just make sure it comes across that way.

Interview

In my experience not all colleges and universities require an interview. More and more, institutions, especially the bigger ones, are turning to an 'optional" interview. This means it's up to YOU, the student, to initiate the desire. Let me tell you what... interviews can be the BOMB, or they can be AWFUL and hurt you. Let me help you have a great interview.

Most interviews are about 30 to 40 minutes long. The admissions committee member is trying to get as much of your personality out of you as possible. Some interviewers do a bad job at this and at that point it's up to you to take control. An interview is only as good as YOU make it! Let me say that again. AN INTERVIEW IS ONLY AS GOOD AS YOU MAKE IT! This is an opportunity for the admissions committee to put a name/personality with YOUR FACE! This is crucial in our sea of applications scenario because it allows for depth. You are no longer a score, an essay, or any other piece of paper. You're a REAL person, with feelings, emotions, and desires.

Sometimes you may need that time to discuss various issues about your academic history. Let's say you got and "F" in a class. The admissions committee gets your transcript, and all they see is a BIG FAT "F"! On the other hand, you get an interview and the opportunity to inform them about the semester you had mono and you had to do your work from a hospital bed. Totally changes their attitude.

Interviews are a great opportunity to talk about your insecurities or at least explain them. Sometimes all a committee member has to go off of is your paperwork. AND that could be bad for you, especially if you don't feel that a certain grade or situation is the best representation of who you are as a student/individual.

Students always ask me what they should wear for an interview. Do I think that you should wear a suit? No. (you can, if that's what your comfortable in) Do I think you should wear a tank top and booty shorts? No. Let me put it this way. I have nothing against you having your own personal style, thats FLY, and part of who you are! BUT don't be a distraction. Don't let what you wear be a distraction for the interviewer. You only have a small window of time, make sure you're keeping the focus where it should be, ON YOUR BEAUTIFUL beaming self! The best thing you can wear to a college interview is CONFIDENCE!

4. Connecting with decision makers.

Guess what? You know those people you meet when you're visiting colleges? Yea, the admissions staff. The majority of the time THEY'RE THE ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE! AND who admits you into college? THE ADMISSIONS COMMITTEE!! Make sure YOU stay in touch with the people you meet. Get their business cards... believe me, they want to give them to you, it makes them feel warm and fuzzy inside. AND send them an email... now I know this might be a WEIRD concept because emails are typically over 140 characters, and most of them don't have an option built in where you can give the recipient a gift for their birthday! Yes, emails seem prehistoric, but I swear it's still an effective way to communicate.

After you send the email make sure you check the spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Most of the people I know that work in admissions are GRAMMAR SLAMMERS and they expect nothing but the best. (NO LOL'S, BRB'S, or TTYL's!)

This may sound silly... but make sure the communications come from you. NO one likes to just hear from parents ALL the time. Another opportunity for you to take control of your own situation... You make the phone calls, you ask the questions, you send the thank you emails/cards. IT MEANS SO MUCH MORE WHEN IT COMES FROM YOU!

Finally, you have much more control than you think. AND sometimes to STAND OUT, you have to fit in. AND now you know how to STAND OUT, while having the inside info to FIT IN to colleges secretive and sometime elusive expectations.

BEST OF LUCK with the new school year!

Keep It Real.

Murph

Update OVERLOAD!

2010-08-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

"Solomon says to stay away from people who talk too much (PR20:19). I wonder if that's applicable to people who tweet too much?" (favorite)

"Your constant updates have you on the verge of getting de-friended."

"un follow!" (valley girl voice)

"I HATE YOU, stop updating your STATUS every five seconds!"

Recently, I felt the need to conduct a little market research. For the past two days I have been flooding my twitter and my facebook with NONSTOP updates. AND for the past month I have been posting pictures of almost EVERYTHING I have been doing, on a trip, not on a trip, etc. Some of which were good quotes/pictures, and some that were purposely pointless! Either way I was trying to prove a point.

Social media outlets are an awesome way of communicating to the world. BUT (huge but), are we really cognisant of what we're sharing?

(i.e. pictures of our food, "my cat rolled over", I hate traffic, and so on)

In my brief research I came to the conclusion that PEOPLE find your information USELESS and ANNOYING in general, and especially when you give them to much, and when it has little meaning, or no value.

At my own personal expense, I saw a significant decline in visitation to my blog and website. People LOST INTEREST in what I was saying and in turn felt NO desire to visit AN even longer version of my social media crap slinging on my blog!

We have to be careful...

If you are like me and you want people to find what you say to be of value to their lives, you must be purposeful with ALL of your social media, not just your detailed publications.

People are more inclined to follow you and be interested in your cause when you provide information they can use.

I see this a lot. I read A LOT of blogs, especially within my industry, AND I find that there is a HUGE disconnect between what people STAND for and what they put out via tweeting and status updates.

SERIOUSLY! ::yelling:: How am I supposed to take your blog post about "Global Warming" seriously when I just saw you tweet about your dogs bowel movement!

Social media and it's many different mediums are a world wide phenomena, and your information, if meaningful, has infinite potential of reaching people all over the world!

If that's not motivation then I don't know what is. For me... I have a haunting thought... what if my information slipped through multiple mediums and ended up in front of a teenager in Africa, and instead of him seeing that I spent my whole life trying to better the lives of youth... he saw a picture of what I had for dinner 2 years ago!

Don't believe this can happen? This is the way it works...

Or if you are just fed up with pointless tweets you can click HERE and see one frustrated guys fun solution!

Lastly, lets have a moment of silence for all those friends I lost during this experiment... ha.

AND thanks to those who stuck around long enough to read this :)

Keep It Real.

Murph

2010-08-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

VS

“I need to lose some weight.”

“My boss says I need to get more motivated at work.”

“I know I should clean my room, but I don't feel like it.”

Sound familiar?

If only we could motivate ourselves to do the things we need to do! Then life would be a lot easier, wouldn’t it? An entire industry exists around the subject of motivation. The problem is that there are so many books, seminars and videos out there! How do you know which one is best for you? Well, if there was one technique or formula that really worked, we wouldn’t need all that stuff! There must be something fundamentally flawed with existing motivational procedures.

Governments, religions, and authority figures use fear to motivate. That works for a while, because when people get scared, their biological “fight or flight’ mechanism kicks in and there is a rush of adrenaline. The threat of physical punishment often works temporarily to keep people on the straight and narrow. But like an energy drink filled with sugar and caffeine, that high always wears off.

Motivation comes from the word "motivate," which is defined as "a stir to action." Granted, motivation gets us moving, but that's about it. It stirs us to action, but then what? I've watched highly motivated people pumped up and ready to fly, only to lose their wind and crash within a day or less of being motivated.

AND then there's inspiration.

Inspiration, on the other hand, is created from the word "inspire," which means "to fill with noble or reverent emotion."

Inspiration doesn't just "stir" you, as motivation does; rather, inspiration fills you with emotion.

Think about it. When was the last time you truly felt inspired to do or become something new? Was it a movie? A song? Perhaps it was another person. I can almost guarantee whatever inspired you induced some sort of deep emotion. Herein lies the secret to the power of inspiration.

I have been accused of being emotional my WHOLE life. Sometimes it was funny, like my friends giving me a hard time when I got upset about something. BUT mostly I'm really emotional. I'm the guy who wears ALL 432578423987 of his emotions on his sleeve, face, neck, eyebrow, etc.

Maybe this is what has "motivated" me to work with youth, or speak?

Have you ever met someone who was just SUPER lazy?

Now that you know the difference between inspiration and motivation, what kind of emotion can you evoke in that person? How can you inspire those around you?

So next time you feel like you need to get motivated, don't go out and buy a million books and CD's. All you are doing is paying for someone else to tell you the simple truth, to get motivated you need to find something inspirational enough to make you move! Motivation is like a New Year's resolution, "I've got to quit eating ice cream..." and two days later, you're pounding down Coldstone. You've got to be emotionally involved, and motivation and inspiration have to go together!

Keep It Real.

Murph

"DON'T" Follow Your Dreams! Part 1

2010-07-27T12:27:00.001-07:00

Recently I took some time off from blogging and speaking to gain clarity about a few things... After much seeking, I came to a profound conclusion. Let me share.

Has anyone every told you to "Follow your dreams", or "If you work hard enough you can have whatever you want"?

I have. AND for one reason or another I have found these statements to be unhelpful.

You know what my dream is? I want to be Batman. Some diminishing part of me still thinks that if I start working out, learn karate and outfit my Honda with rocket launchers, I could be the Dark Knight, vanquishing evil in the seedy, crime-ridden enclaves of Tempe, Arizona. And in the middle of that dream stands my wife, who punches me in the face and says, "First of all, you don't work out and your hamstrings are too tight to execute a convincing roundhouse kick. Plus, there's not much crime here. What are you going to do, push long boarders off the sidewalks?" Yes, it's a dream, but the point is the reality of the dream.

We all have dreams... things that we want, and things we aspire to accomplish in a lifetime.

But I think it's detrimental to believe that if WE want something bad enough WE can have it. Or we should have. OR WE DESERVE TO HAVE IT!

Our society sets the stage for this burning-bridge philosophy. I don't know how many times a day I hear something about how you can do anything if you put your mind to it. How many times have you seen the clips from Britain/America's Got Talent? There is always some average person, who works at McDonalds, who comes on stage and busts out this crazy opera piece, and then... que the TEARS + CHEERS!

It makes you feel great, but is it sending the wrong message?

I think so... and I will tell you why.

If everyone followed their dreams, whether they are realistic or not, we would have mass destruction! Unbelievable selfishness.

"FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS" is a very selfish mentality. Think about it... how many people in this country have gained everything from thinking of no one but themselves? Um... like... everyone?!

Most dreams are selfish. When I went into speaking I wanted to be BIG TIME! oh... and I wanted to help others too... but mostly BIG TIME BABY!

I was stupid... and all the success I've had was with great sacrifice!

Seriously, I have spent a lot of my life following my dreams... or other people's dreams. Under the belief that I could achieve anything if I worked hard enough. Anything... "I"... I could do anything... but what happens... when we can't? Or shouldn't?

"So what you're trying to say Marcus... is that you're like... the WORST motivational speaker of all time! Don't follow my dreams?"

NO! Don't get me all wrong, I think dreams are cool, but I just think that we have gone about it in a selfish way. Or at least I have.

Recently, I have asked the question, what happens when it doesn't work out. What happens if we never achieve our dreams? What happens if we just aren't smart enough, or attractive enough, or good enough? Then what? Dreams become disappointments that can further us from moving forward, and ultimately placing others before ourselves.

Thinking about dreams has made me look at my life differently. Once I stopped thinking about myself and my dreams... I was stuck looking at what was left... and I didn't see much. Scary...

I started thinking about what my life's purpose was if I didn't have a dream to chase. It's encouraged to have have an IDEAL in mind, and go after it with everything we have. So I took a break, from everything, and tried to find an answer to the age old question, what is the purpose of my life?

I came to a conclusion... IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!

My purpose in this world was never to follow MY dreams. The purpose of my life is to NOT FOLLOW MY DREAM, but to follow HIS.

We have to have a greater purpose, one that is outside of ourselves, our own motivations... We need to use our talents and gifts or our profession as a vehicle to a greater purpose. If we continue to follow "our" dreams we get to a place when we achieve them... and then the question sets in... NOW WHAT?

I hope you get to the NOW WHAT part of you life soon. There's amazing clarity when you actually obtain you dreams and realize that there has to be more than this.

Keep It Real.

Murph

People Who Keep It Real: Tomas Stanton

2010-06-29T20:25:00.000-07:00

I rarely get the chance to meet people like Tomas Stanton... especially when I TRY to meet people like TOMAS STANTON!

He is a rare breed.

A survivor.
A lover.
A community hero.
A street soldier.
And MY homie.

Tomas currently holds the position of Teen Director, at the Harry & Sandy Rosenzweig Boys and Girls Club in Metro Phoenix (the HOOD).

Day in, and day out, Tomas cultivates meaningful relationships with some of our nations toughest youth. His goal is simple... do whatever is necessary to teach, reach, and preach love into the lives of at risk youth. Often times at the expensive of his own dreams.

Tomas is humble... a rare type of humble.

Have you ever seen Good Will Hunting? (if not rent, bootleg, or steal a copy...it's that good)

The way Will Hunting (Matt Damon) looks at math... is the same way Tomas looks at words.

Slicing and dicing his way through the English language like no other person I have ever met in my life.

His story is one of tragedy and triumph. Pain and jubilation. Silence and fear. AND finally after years of keeping his PASSION a secret... he is setting a new course for his dreams.

Tomas is stepping out of the shadow for the first time as a professional speaker, poet, and youth development expert. It takes a lot of courage to overcome the fear of failure, and I am happy to be able to share with you for the first time what that looks like.

Please enjoy this short video I made. I give you Tomas Stanton.

Best of luck to you Tomas.

Keep It Real.

Murph

"young" ADULTS What?! What?!

2010-06-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

Everyone has something that their heart breaks for...mine happens to be YOUNG adults. The "overlooked" stage in life.

No. I'm still all about my teenagers, BUT I had to give a quick shout out to the aspiring adults out there.

I can remember all too well my first job after my 150k+ education.

I graduated from college and spent the summer with friends, traveling, laughing, and goofing off. One last party before REAL life hit.

I call this stage in life UNEMPLOYED/HOMELESS!

BUT I was happy, really happy.

Then the money ran out and so did the good times. I was now looking at loans, debt, and STRESS!

So I applied, interviewed, and was hired at Enterprise Rent-A-Car! B-A-L-L-I-N!!!

I remember being told that I had to wear a suit... and shave my beard... and WASH CARS! Say What! Wash Cars? Yes, I had to get up everyday at 6AM with my nice suit and tie and wash cars.

But I was working, right? Wrong... I was surviving. I think I made $450 a week, and I worked something like 90 hours (kidding, but it was a lot)!

I had NO idea what I really wanted to do.

I spent 7 months working at Enterprise before I started to feel like there HAD TO BE MORE to life.

Have you ever had this moment in your life? Have you ever asked yourself why you stay at your job if you HATE it?

WE ALL DO. Don't feel bad.

My greatest fear is dedicating a huge portion of my life to something, only to look back and be unsatisfied with it.

Have you ever asked yourself if GOD has something better for you?

Have you ever reflected on the gifts He has given you?

Does it make you nervous? Anxious? Or do you feel nothing at all?

God has made numerous promises to us in the bible and throughout history. Equipping us with the right set of tools to fulfill His purpose for our lives.

His purpose...

Yes, we tend to lean away from His purpose and blaze our own path. Sometimes straying away from our gifts and trying to justify our pursuit of temporary things. Temporary things that our culture says are important.

My advice for today: Take the time to identify Gods gifts for your life. What are you naturally gifted at? Can you build a life around your gifts? Does this create purpose?

My hope for you is to not look back on your life ten years from now and say "Oh Crap! How did I get here?"

I hope you define your gifts and apply them to your life creating a picture of your future. AND if it is still unclear, at least it will point you in the right direction... His Purpose.

Keep It Real.

Murph

The BIG Question!

2010-06-01T12:33:00.000-07:00

People ask me questions all the time, and we answer about 100 questions a day... Would you like cream with that? Are you free? How are you? (which is usually answered by "how are you". This is not an answer, FYI!) Can I GET YO NUMBA!?... You know the normal questions I get.

But every once in a while I get a question that is worth sharing my answer...

On my blog I have a section called ASK MURPH ANYTHING, and PEOPLE DO! Recently, I received this question:

"You went to a catholic school... were you raised catholic? when did you make the switch to christianity? and why?"

Truth.

I did grow up Catholic and attended Catholic schools from kindergarten to college. I appreciate the Catholic education system, and I think it can offer many advances both academically and spiritually.

BUT

I have at times during my faith asked those BIG questions...Why? and What?

Why do I get dressed up for church?
Why do I kneel during this portion and stand during that?
Why do I have to go to the priest to get my sins forgiven?
What is transubstantiation?

And finally What does the "Church" think about...

And then IT hit me.

It shouldn't MATTER what the "church" thinks. The Church is made up of people, and led by clergy, presently restricted to men. According to Romans 3:23, "all men fall short of the glory of God". Which means that the Church now becomes... MAN.

Men are deceptive, proud, envious, sinful, and at times violent. We seek power and often destroy to get it. We're driven by personal fulfillment and susceptible to greed.

For this reason I made the decision to seek out what lies beyond the confides of the "Church" and man made doctrine.

During my search I visited multiple denominations of Christianity. I found many similarities in terms of practice and organization of the church building. Some had kneelers, some didn't. Some had an alter and some barely had seats. Then another question came to mind. What does "church" really mean. I had to redefine my understanding of what church had meant my whole life.

The early followers of Christ were referred to as the church, which literally means "the body of Christ". Early Christians would meet in back rooms of houses, but ultimately the Chruch was a mobile evangelical ministry.

With this in mind, the huge beautiful buildings that I called church for so long, became just that. Buildings.

It became evident the people and hearts inside those buildings was what truly mattered.

At this stage, I was in search of community, which didn't exist in the Catholic churches I attended or visited. I found that the majority of parishioners at "mass" (mass - a term for the service in a Catholic church) cleared out in record time after it ended. I was told that we were fulfilling an obligation by attending mass on Sundays, and just being there for an hour a week kept us in good standings spiritually.

I honestly didn't read the Bible at all growing up. There wasn't emphasis from the Catholic Church to do so. I believe we heard Scripture through the various readings at Church and the priests homily. But this wasn't reading the Bible.

My wise grandfather once told me, "Just because you are in a church building doesn't make you a Christian - like being in a garage doesn't make you a Cadillac". My need for community and accountability were evident, but everything came up short.

What we did during the week, and sometimes right before we got to mass, could easily be absolved with a few Hail Mary's and Our Fathers. There was no sincere, broken repentance or reconciliation once I stepped out of the confessional. I felt no reformation or personal accountability with God. I felt accountable to a man, a priest. This is when I started to inquire about who Jesus was and how I viewed him.

Who IS Jesus? And did I really need someone else to mediate my conversations with Him?

I tried talking to Jesus on my own. Slowly, my conversations (or prayers) turned into a very personal relationship.

I wanted to attend a Church that encouraged community, biblically-based teachings, and ultimately a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This was unfortunately far from what I found in the Catholic church.

After my long and continued faith journey I'm certain of this:

Jesus came and died for everyone... EVERYONE. Jew and Gentile.
There is nothing that we can do to EARN our way in to heaven. Man will ALWAYS fall short of the glory of God, which is precisely why Jesus died in our place.
Jesus is the best example of a human being that we'll ever know, because he was both man and God.
The Bible is God's word, and through it, we are changed.
As a Christian, we need each other. We need fellowship for encouragement and accountability.

I currently attend Praxis Church in Phoenix. AZ. Praxis literally means "practical". So "Praxis Church" literally means "practical followers of Christ".

In closing, I'm not saying that if you're Catholic you don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. But I AM encouraging you to take responsibility of your faith. Seek out truth according to Scripture, to be reconciled back to a God that loves you more than anything.

What are your thoughts? I'd love to get a good discussion going!

Keep it Real.

Murph

Third Inning, 10-1

2010-05-26T12:31:00.002-07:00

Last night I was walking my dog and randomly passed a little league baseball game. As a huge sports fan, we sat and watched the game. Well, I watched the game and Paisley ate rocks. It was a perfect night, light breeze blowing, bright field lights just coming on, a faint smell of a fire burning in the distance, and BASEBALL at its purest. Normally I wouldn't blog about sports BUT something caught my attention last night.

Besides the amazing ambiance, the game was less than interesting. The score was 10 to 1 in the bottom of the third inning. It was pretty much a blowout! But I continued to watch because I enjoy cheering for the UNDERdog, and in this case I had a lot of cheering to do!

It was the bottom of the 4th inning that I overheard something VERY special come from the losing team's dugout. The coach was giving a mid-inning pep talk and right before his boys went up to bat he said this,

"I know you feel like it's over, but with that kind of thinking you already lost. If you believe you can take this game back you will, let's just focus on getting FOUR runs this inning."

Sure enough, each batter got a hit! Before you knew it the game was tied by the top of the 6th! It was one of the most epic comebacks I had EVER seen!

Then I started to think about the coach...

He knew just what to say when it needed to be said.

He gave the team a small goal, which he knew they would exceed. BUT sometimes that is exactly what you need... just enough to believe in, then you gain momentum.

I hear people say motivational speakers are worthless... but it's moments like this that make me feel like I'm on to something.

Ahhhh... the power of our words...what a responsibility.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Limitations

2010-05-12T18:39:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I was asked to speak at a "conference" called Passport To Manhood.

I prepared my talk, sprinkled a little funny on it, and off I went.

When I arrived at the venue I felt good, confident, and excited. But when I walked into the gym, it was obvious something wasn't right. My audience was smaller than I expected! I mean SMALL, like CHILDREN SMALL!

I'm funny. My stories are funny. BUT when you are ten years old, my stories DON"T MAKE SENSE!

So to say the least... I BOMBED... to third graders!

Put me in a room with teens... it's home sweet home. Put me in a room with "pre" teens... welcome to my nightmare!

Are limitations a bad thing?

Webster defines limitations as: restraint.

Going against the flow is something I've become more attracted to over the years.

Limitations = a way of steering your life.

Limitations = a way to quickly identify your strengths.

Limitations = a way of not wasting time on things that you will never be good at.

Sometimes practice doesn't make perfect, it makes you tired. And that's OK.

NOW I'm not saying DON"t try things that you suck at. BUT I am saying that we need to learn from those moments.

We try new things all the time, but I'm sure we can all identify areas we aren't good at. So do we try, try, try again? Or are we wasting time on something we were never gifted with in the first place?

What are some areas in your life that come naturally? What do you receive compliments on from multiple people?

BELIEVE ME! I won't be employed by a daycare anytime soon... BUT I'm happy to know my boundaries, and be the strength to other peoples' weakness. We were created among thousands of people. Collaborate and you'll soon realize how balancing strengths and weaknesses with another person or group will help.

BIG shout out to Boys and Girls Club for doing this program for its young men!

It was hard talking to boys about being a man, when most of them have only met a few.

Time to Keep It Real my brothas! Manhood isn't determined by your age, job, or money. Take care of your responsibilities.

Keep It Real.

Murph

I'm Not A Morning Person...BUT I'll Try.

2010-04-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

What's Up Internet Peep's!

Friday Morning Vlog:

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

Just for fun. My 2 hour sunrise in 1 minute.

Here are nine common habits of successful people.

But you don't have to take my word for it!

Okay, I'm kinda funny...

BUT seriously...

1. Hard work – Successful people are not afraid of challenges. They have vision and can see what the successful outcome looks like. They don’t quit when things go wrong, but see mistakes and failure as another challenge to overcome.

2. Creative thinking – Successful people realize creativity is not a “gift” for a select few. They know they can develop their creativity by looking at things from new perspectives.

3. See beyond the obvious – This is much more than the cliche “thinking outside the box.” Sometime, the problem has to be solved within the constraints of the box and sometimes, the box needs to be made larger. Successful people go beyond what is comfortable, challenge assumptions and change their routines.

4. Respond Appropriately – David Allen uses the “mind like water” analogy. That is, when you throw a stone into a pond, the water “responds” appropriate to the size of the stone and the force of the throw. There is no over– or under-reaction. Likewise, successful people respond in just the right way to the forces that have an impact on their lives.

5. Sensitive communication – Good communication does not magically happen: it is built, one step at a time. Successful people do not try and dominate the communication process, but learn how to listen carefully and respond appropriately.

6. Thoughtful listening – The most difficult communication skill is listening. We’re generally anxious to be heard and less focused on what others are saying. However, if we’re to be effective in the way we communicate with others, we have to focus at least as much attention to our listening skills.

7. Generous cooperation – Successful people realize success does not happen in a vacuum. They know the importance of working with others. Successful people do not jealously hoard information and resources, but are willing to share so that others may benefit.

8. Give recognition – Recognition is not just a nice thing to do: recognition reinforces and rewards important outcomes others create for you. By giving recognition, you reinforce the actions and behaviors you most want to see people repeat.

9. Integrity – “Integrity is completeness or soundness… A person with integrity does not manipulate others. He or she is not prone to arrogance or self-praise. Integrity even invites constructive and necessary criticism because it applauds accountability. It’s sound. It’s solid. It’s complete.” —Charles R. Swindoll

Keep It Real.

Murph

What Motivational Speakers Can't Say...

2010-04-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

It can be a challenge to keep it real - on stage.

Now that I'm a motivational speaker, the "ALL SCHOOL ASSEMBLY" is an obstacle I LOVE to tackle. If I mess it up...I mess it up for all the speakers who come after me.

Today I had a unique opportunity. One that comes less often than I'd like. I got to speak at a Christian school. This made my talk SO much more real! I could finally share the reason I do what I do, and why you should, too.

I have nothing against people that don't share my beliefs. In fact, I respect those that are convicted and dedicated to something. BUT this is a HUGE part of my life that can get overlooked when speaking in a public setting... along with the pledge of allegiance, and many other things no longer acceptable or practiced.

To say the least, I was excited about today.

I had an AWESOME time hanging out with the students from Valley Lutheran High School in Phoenix, Arizona.

We laughed, cried, hugged, drank tea, and ate cookies... all in all that makes for a heck of a Friday morning. ::wink::

Today's message to the students of Valley Lutheran was very simple to say, but very hard to live out.

"God has a unique and personal vision for each and every one of us, but sometimes it's hard to follow that vision when everyone else is trying to create it for you."

Ultimately, I wanted the students to walk away asking themselves what that vision looks like for their lives. What tools, gifts, and dreams do they possess that will help them follow their vision?

If we don't paint a clear vision of where we're going, we can too easily be pulled into a life we never wanted.

This generation of teenagers are looked at with little to no expectations... TV, music... low expectations.

Then I told them about this "Dude"...

This guy that had long hair, hung out with thieves, His name was Jesus.

Jesus traveled and spoke to anyone and everyone... BUT did everyone convert? Did everyone accept what he was saying?

NO!

In fact, they killed Him because of it...

BUT...

He did change the lives of 12, and those 12 went out to changed the world.

We are POWERFUL, more powerful than we think. We just need to be reminded once and awhile.

The pics from the day were taken by my hottie wife, Gina Meola:

Before every talk I take time to kick it with God.

BIG shout out to my homie/roadie Dennis Gable (AKA, famous motivational speaker). There's nothing better than having a talented artist introduce you. Humbling.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Always remember you're unique... just like everyone else

2010-04-19T10:38:00.000-07:00

Every Monday morning I come to a really "Hip" coffee shop called Cartel Coffee Lab to write my blog. I think it's a mix of the random music, crazy art, tattoos, piercings, skinny jeans, Toms Shoes, etc. It's like the hipster olympics!

I like their coffee, but the experience of being there is my motivation.

So every once and a while, I just sit back and chill. No writing, no thinking, just taking in the view.

Does anybody else "people watch"? I could sit at the mall all day just creepin my little heart out.

The past week has been busy, but inspiration-less on the blog front. Today, however, is very different! I need to get something off my chest!

In high school you fight desperately to fit in, then young adulthood sprouts and you're fighting desperately to stand out. Why do we try to be SO different, but eventually look the same? Do we think we're standing out by being the same?

I did some people watching, and came to the conclusion we all like to be different, or exclusive. This ends up getting copied, and then it's no longer unique... IT"S POPULAR!

I'm encouraging you to be different ALL THE TIME! Never give pop culture the opportunity to make your "different", norm.

Let me give you an example.

When I was younger I used to where this thing called a "slap bracelet". I know that I just made myself look MAD OLD, but I will make that sacrifice for the greater good of my point.

Slap bracelets were cool! I mean really cool. One kid gets CUT and has to ruin it for everbody...geez! Just kiddin. Sort of.

I was the first in my class to get one and people used to make me demo my little piece of SLAPPIN MAGIC! However, it wasn't long after that I started to see another kid with a slap bracelet, and another, and so on. Finally I had to stop wearin mine.

My point is this...

Don't get in the habit of following the trend, CREATE IT and move on!

Here's to being original and stuff.

Keep it Real,
Murph

Keepin' It Real: Students To Watch

2010-04-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

Once a month I'd like to showcase a student that's "KEEPIN' IT REAL".

Too often you meet people in life that are forgotten...

We meet on the train, the bus, in class, we share brief conversations about the weather and politics and we move on. Life is full of cliche encounters.

When I first met Keith Smith I knew that my life would never be the same!

Keith has a certain presence that demands your FULL ATTENTION. He's African American, stands at 6 feet 3 inches, and isn't an ATHLETE! This kid is responsible for redefining "thinking outside the box". You can't put him in a box - HE DOESN"T FIT!

Keith attends Syracuse University, where he is a student in the VERY prestigious Bandier Program (music industry).

Keith is surrounded by an industry of "who ya know" and "undeserved privilege", but has managed to keep his identity deeply rooted in his Kansas City roots and his tenacious attitude to MAKE IT OR DIE! Keith came from simple beginnings, and attributes his success to never settling for normality.

The reason I chose to spotlight Keith is largely to due to his AMAZING ATTITUDE and appetite for LIFE!

Among other things, Keith is the front man for The Fly. In a recent article in Jerk Magazine Keith was described, “It was like his body was filled with fists that punched out in different directions, all at the same time,”

Occasionally we need to see students that live their lives to benefit the world. We need to see that with enough hard work, talent, and the right attitude we can do anything!

This is PASSION! This IS Keith Smith.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Driving a Land Rover? Oh, you still have a Landlord?

2010-04-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

It's not your fault the WORLD told you it was okay!

Here's my beef with teen finances. No one makes you take responsibility for your money! I had to learn this the hard way.

I was the guy who would buy the $300 pair of jeans, but couldn't afford rent. The guy who paid more in overdraft fees than bills. The guy who JUST HAD to have the new J's before any of his homies. I, was that guy.

There are far worse examples, but you get the picture. Most of the trouble with finances is that we buy what we can't afford. We charge what we can't pay back, and nobody tells us we're wrong to do it!

Shame on you BIG credit card companies and car salesman. I mean it must be ALL their fault... right?

WRONG!

WE MAKE THE DECISIONS IN OUR LIFE, even if you think you have no control. We LOVE to blame our issues on other people. Sure, we've been brainwashed to want things we don't need, but what's scarier is being brainwashed that we have no control in the financial decision-making process.

Do you think American culture promotes entitlement? Like, we deserve all this stuff? That we HAVE to HAVE the best of the best? The biggest, brightest, and most expensive?

It's easy to get caught up in living for the TEMPORARY satisfactions of life. But all things eventually fade, go out of style, or become irrelevant. But the part that really bothers me the most is that it starts when you're a TEEN! In marketing, YOU are the next generation of CRAP buyers and consumers. So it ultimately has to come down to you, and the realization that LIFE'S more than things!

Let me give you the best advice I never had.

1) If you aren't saving any money, SOMETHING'S WRONG! Get in the habit of taking a little part of all the money you get and put it aside.

2) Don't get a CREDIT CARD! You don't need it. SERIOUSLY!

3) The jeans you want will be out of style in about 5 days. Plus, it's trendy now to find deals and steals at thrift shops or on sale wracks. Work that!

4) Read Rich Dad Poor Dad. Learn how money works and how it can work for you.

I'm not saying buying clothes when you need them is evil. What I'm trying to encourage is being responsible with our money. We need to start taking ownership of our decisions and understand that we have the POWER to control our financial destiny. It all starts now!

Keep It Real.

Murph

I Live In A Van Down by The River!!

2010-04-05T12:44:00.000-07:00

Why motivational speakers "SUCK"!

Sometimes the hardest thing I have to do is explain what I do. I get interesting responses like, "Oh. You're like Tony Robbins or something". Well, sort of, but for, "like", young people.

Raise your hand if you have ever sat through a motivational speakers spiel - "A lengthy or extravagant speech or argument usually intended to persuade"? Now keep your hand raised if during that spiel you wanted to end your life because it was AWFUL!

If you're like me, my arms are flailing.

Motivational speakers are usually predictable and cheesy. They say they want you to change your life, BUT their own life is often in shambles! Or maybe they have nine steps, 12 steps, 43 steps... to a successful life. Even worse, they might have a book, a life changing journey through a painfully obvious solution. Everybody's got a book now! Seriously.

So after all this, why do I consider myself a motivational speaker? And if this were true, why do we need motivational speakers?

Here's my thought process. First, I'm stepping in to redefine "motivational speaker". Call it arrogance or pride, but this industry needs people who hold themselves accountable, stay relevant, and live out their words of encouragement. Second, we all need regular doses of motivation.

It’s like eating... just because you ate breakfast, doesn't mean your hunger is satisfied FOREVER! You regularly nourish your body. We can’t run on full steam ALL the time; so it’s never going to hurt to have the right person come in and help fuel your fire.

Let me help you identify a "good" motivational speaker.

1) Find somebody who you know “gets” your group. The initial connection between speaker and audience is crucial, so make sure your speaker knows who they’re talking to from the very start.

2) Make sure the program is customized to your needs and that the speaker has a hook that can draw people in.

3) I prefer funny, or at least engaging. Sometimes speakers have a heavy message, but it's all about the delivery.

4) Results! Can you measure the impact? Does the message come with a movement? Something your group can use to effectively increase the results you are looking for? What results are you looking for? What are you expectations for the speakers impact on your group? Make sure they can deliver.

5) And, most importantly, make sure your speaker is a real person, someone who practices what they preach.

To escape the "Matt Foley" stigma, let me give you some hope. There are motivational speakers out there doing it right. In the realm of youth, there are only a handful of professionals I've found who are KEEPIN IT REAL.

Here are some trusted speakers I personally endorse and keep up with:

Josh Shipp (the leader)

Dennis Gable (the healer)

Bianca Juarez (the believer)

“People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar

Keep It Real.

Murph

Mayday! Mayday! I'm Goin Down!

2010-04-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I sit down at the computer and look for the "help" button! Wouldn't it be great if life were that easy?

Why is it SO stinkin' hard to ASK for help?

Myth: Asking for help makes us look weak.

Truth: Asking for help creates an atmosphere of empowerment. It communicates to others that, while you may not have all the answers, you are willing to find them.

Myth: Successful people never ask for help.

Truth: Actually, successful people will tell you that the key to success is knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Successful people are driven and motivated — and when the going gets tough, the tough ask for help!

The BIGGEST reason we don't ask for help is FEAR! Fear that we are going to look stupid or be judged for asking.

Relationships, depression, addictions, finances, parents, school, etc...
For the most part, all the advice or information someone provides you with, was LEARNED from someone or something else! Meaning: THEY don't know it all or have everything together, but they may have gone through an experience or asked the same questions.

I've come a long way in my life, but mostly because people have HELPED me get here.

I'm only as good as the people around me, and the sooner you realize this, the better your life will be.

The Secret

The secret to asking for help is asking EARLY!

I have found that the longer we wait to ask for help the worse things get. If we recognize early that we are in over our head, can't handle a situation, or don't get it, we may flat out miss the boat. We've got to identify our need for help early and tackle it before it overtakes US.

If you take nothing else away from this post, please realize the sooner you begin reaching out, the sooner the issues in your life will become manageable - and even non-existent.

Please continue to ask your questions at ASK MURPH ANYTHING And YES, you can do this anonymously!

Ask For Help. Keep It Real.

Murph

Web Si-eeeete!

2010-04-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

Hey, friends! In case you haven't visited yet, my Web Site is up and fresh! WWW.marcusAmurphy.COM

From Courtship to Court

2010-03-29T17:27:00.000-07:00

Then...

Now...

We’ve come a long way. From “Goin Steady” to “Steady Goin”. What happened to teen dating?

I would love to start this sentence with back in my day, but back in my day was only ten years ago. Oh wise one, tell me the secrets of dating… HMM. I CAN share my various views about dating with no strings attached. Sound good? Great.

“I’m like so in love with him… or whatever.”

When did love become a fad? Dating has become so casual I can only compare it to that of a fashion trend. If you change relationships like you do your hair style, then this article is for YOU.

How many times have you been in love? Do you know the definition of love? My gut tells me LOVE is overused, devalued, and disrespected.

What about using the term? I love my wife. I love hot dogs. Same meaning? Maybe for some, but not me.

So, why do we date?

I believe dating should be entered with the M-word in mind - Marriage, to clarify for my slow homies. I write this knowing my audience are teens. Are you getting married at 16? Hopefully not. So what does this mean for you?

We wonder why marriage is such a joke in this country? It's because we treat the process of finding a mate in the same way. We get in the cycle of trying people on for size. AND if they don't fit, we move on to the next.

If these are the standards for dating, why are we surprised by the divorce rate? If we don't change the way we date, the idea of marriage to one person FOREVER won't even be comprehensible.

American culture is all about making you believe you're here on this earth to satisfy and please YOU and you only. Think that plays into the U.S. having the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of single parenting in the Western world? Betta believe it.

I, like many, come from a home of divorce. There is no simple or convenient way to explain the pain and hurt divorce causes in the lives of everyone involved. I'm not saying there's only one reason people get divorced. BUT, I definitely think marriage has been jaded by the "convenience" of dating without purpose.

My challenge isn't easy... but please try dating with a purpose. Don't do it for me, do it for your heart. Start making the right decisions now, and you'll be in an incredible position down the road.

Do it for your future HUSBAND/WIFE.

You're worth it, and so are they.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Doing Stupid Things, Doesn't Mean You're Stupid

2010-03-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

How can someone so smart be so dumb? We’ve all asked this question after watching a perfectly intelligent friend or relative pull a boneheaded move.

You know what I'm talkin' about...that one time when your boy decided it was a GREAT idea to skateboard off the roof! How is he the same guy who gave the valedictorian speech at graduation?! Yea...

People buy high and sell low. They believe their horoscope. They figure it can’t happen to them. They supersize their fries and order the diet Coke. They text while driving. They believe they'll live forever.

You’ve done something similarly stupid. So have I. BUT does this make us stupid?

Stupid is defined as: lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.

I believe that we have "moments" of stupidity throughout our life, but I rarely find someone that fits this description all the time.

These are the top 5 reasons I believe "stupid" happens.

1) Boredom.
2) Tiredness.
3) Love.
4) Fear.
5) Anger.

As you can see, they're all emotions or a state of mind. Emotions drive us to most, if not all, our decisions in life. We run, laugh, love, hug, heal, and fight our way through life! And sometimes that means that we make stupid choices.

The only scary part is when stupid choices leave us hurt and broken. As a teenager you are faced with these situations daily. Jumping in a car with the wrong group of people. Dating two people at the same time. Dating the wrong people. Pranks. Wearing socks with sandals...you know, the important stuff.

Let me end with some advice.

Stupidity isn't about the first time something happens, it's the second... third... fourth time. By then, it's become a habit, and likely one you need to kick.

Keep It Real.

Murph

If You're Not First, You're last!

2010-03-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

I don't often hear, "I can't wait to be second!" But what's the point of going fast, being first, and working ourselves to death?

Like Bobby Valentino said, " Slow Down"!

As human beings we are naturally competitive - survival of the fittest? It's human nature to adapt, to strive to survive. BUT our society isn't gathering berries and hunting for our food anymore (well I can't speak for Texas). If I'm hungry, I get in my comfortable car, drive my butt down to the local burger joint (for your satisfaction I hope it's an In N Out Burger), I DON"T EVEN HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE CAR to order. In fact, I could order from my phone, while tweeting the whole experience!

So in a life that's very much handed to us, what's our drive to strive?

I admit, competition runs through my veins. But one of the best lessons I've learned in life is how to lose.

Losing. Failing. Mistakes. Pain.

Failing is essential to success, but we have to be "failing forward".

No one can succeed without failing.

Michael Jordan, arguably the best player of all time, six NBA championships, 11 MVP"s and still he had to fail to get there.

Most people see failure at face value - i.e., failure. However, if you search deeper, you discover failure is in fact, an opportunity to grow. Failure ]the[n becomes a resource.

A baby can't walk until they fall over and over again. A basketball player will miss several shots in a single game in the midst of 13 points. A writer will have much of her work rejected by editors than published.

Successful people don't focus on the things that didn't work. Instead, they understand that with each "failure" they are one step closer to achieving their dreams. They may have to try once or one-thousands times before hitting the mark, but they know each unsuccessful effort is pushing them closer to their goal.

There is a MAJOR difference between people who fail and people who use failure to succeed. Their ATTITUDE! They succeed because they NEVER gave up!

Get out there and start failing, to win.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Murph's Top Ten

2010-02-22T12:25:00.000-08:00

There are a bazillion things teens should know, but today I'm sticking with 10. It's unbelievable what youth are bombarded by in just ONE day. Essentially, it's like this collage of crap. Pretty accurate.

For the next ten posts, I'll be tackling the following topics:

1) If You're Not First You're last!: You don't always have to be first

2) Doing Stupid Things, Doesn't Mean You're Stupid: Learning from our mistakes

3) Breakin' Up and Makin' Up: Teen relationships

4) Help Wanted: How do you ask for help

5) Dinner Isn't Always Ready After One Minute in the Microwave: Some things are worth the wait

6) We Were Given Two Ears and One Mouth For A Reason: The need for good listeners

7) Boots With The Fur Are So Last Year: What we need, and WHAT WE DON'T

8) You're Cool...Sort Of: Self-esteem

9) Bucks, Greenbacks, Cabbage, Dough, Cheddar, Gwap...MONEY: Teen finances

10) Poke Me, Tweet This, Skype You, Stalk What?: Cyber safety

Life seems easier broken down.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Slow Down Homeboy!

2010-02-19T16:20:00.001-08:00

Run, Run, Run. This week has been CRAZY busy!

Let me start with a shout out to the Boys and Girls Club of Phoenix. You rock my life. Seriously. It doesn't get much better than seeing teens, with rough backgrounds, find motivation to tackle what's in store. Do I cry? Maybe...but they are really manly cries! More like whimpering, so I guess you would call it a man whimper - or a mimper! Yeah, that's it.

Here are a few pics of your boi in action.

Poetry SLAMMIN'

I'm so down with people who can articulate and express their thoughts. I don't care if you sing it, play it, whisper it, or stomp it out, personal expression is CRAZY EXCITING!

I speak and coach for a living, so being in front of crowds doesn't normally phase me. But there's something about a lonely mic and an audience with high creative expectations that makes my stomach fill with knots. I went to a poetry slam, signed the line to give a piece, and felt a little out of my element.

Sometimes that feeling of nervousness is just what we need to be GREAT! Have you ever felt a little too comfortable? I have, and that means that I'm over confident! That is like "backwards swagger"!

Nervous --> attack --> BREAKTHROUGH.

There will be a time when the "show must go on"; a live or die moment. This could be your greatest fear or something as small as an algebra test. Either way, when it comes down to that moment and your nerves are about to punch their way out of your stomach, when you feel like your mouth couldn't possibly move, when your arm pits could fix Africa's drought (gross)...You get it... THIS is the moment that separates the "great ones" from the "so so's".

My hope for you today is that you feel the pressure, and RISE to meet it.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Jump, Dude

2010-02-17T15:14:00.000-08:00

I've been slackin, and that's NOT cool!

Last week I looked in the mirror, got upset, and vowed to make some changes. I'm trying this new phenomena called "running" - this coming from an ex college athlete... oy. The only thing worse than running, is passing a happy runner. Just as I get my "I'm gonna die face on", they pass me, and their grin looks like a sideways banana. You know, it's like they aren't really sure if they have to use the bathroom or write a novel.

So, running. Not my fave. But I DO love to hike. Living in Phoenix equals endless climbing options. Holla.

Check out me getting my hike on HERE!

Today I went hiking with my wife. It was all gravy to start with, and as we made it to the top of the mountain, we breathed a deep sigh of accomplishment... or hyperventilation. Whichever take on it, we breathed.

I snapped a photo to give you a better idea of what I'm talkin' about.

It's funny how simple the world looks when you're viewing it from above. It's quiet, the land is widespread, and there's a peace like it could easily be conquered. But zoom into an intersection, and this guys yellin' at that guy, bla bla bla. You get it. Not so simple when you're IN it.

After some time talking and relaxing on top, we got up to head down. We scoped out our options, and both decided on a very... different way down. We arrived at a huge drop. I had no choice but to JUMP from point A to B. But like, the whole alphabet was between the two. BEST case scenario, I could land on the foot rock, unscratched. Worst case...I could totally roll down hundreds of feat to my death. Yikes.

My brain very clearly said no, but my heart said GO! Well, 25 minutes later, we turned around to head the other way. Just as Gina was out of sight, something in me made me stop, turn, and JUMP. I made it down!

Obviously, I lived. But this experience, however insignificant in other people's eyes, really made me think. Made me think about life.

As a teenager, it's easy to feel like life can't possibly get any more complicated. Maybe you feel like your only option is failing, turning back, giving up... NOT JUMPING. But what does that accomplish?

If you don't jump now...you NEVER will. Seriously.

It's in our nature to turn back, walk away, look for the easy route. But falling into what comes naturally only encourages a BAD HABIT. Yes, habit. Choosing to jump is a habit, and there will always be another time in your life when you'll face a cliff you're either going to walk away from, or conquer.

What if we didn't need to find a way around, or over the walls in our lives? What if we just saw the wall and ran through it?

We make it a habit to retreat, TO RUN AWAY from our problems. AND YA KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT RUNNIN!

So, JUMP ALREADY.

The decision to triumph, win, and conquer is in YOU.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Sc-HOLLA-rships Part II

2010-02-11T21:28:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep! It's that important that you get this information. It took TWO posts!

Highest Total Cost 2009-2010

College Total Cost

1. Sarah Lawrence College $54,410
2. New York University $51,991
3. The George Washington University $51,730
4. Bates College $51,300
5. Skidmore College $51,196
6. Johns Hopkins University $51,190
7. Georgetown University $51,122
8. Connecticut College $51,115
9. Harvey Mudd College $51,037
10. Vassar College $50,875
11. Wesleyan University $50,862
12. Claremont McKenna College $50,800
13. Colgate University $50,660
14. Carnegie Mellon University $50,640
15. Haverford College $50,625
16. Bowdoin College $50,485
17. Middlebury College $50,400
18. Mount Holyoke College $50,390
19. Bard College $50,380
20. Boston College $50,370
21. Franklin & Marshall College $50,360
22. Bard College at Simon's Rock $50,340
23. Scripps College $50,336
24. Babson College $50,324
25. Colby College $50,320

WOW, it's not getting any better! Student: MURPH are you trying to talk me out of going to college? Me: NO, I'm just trying to keep it real. People don't let you guys know the truth, they gas you up, get you excited about college, but leave you hangin when it comes to the reality of ACTUALLY attending your dream school. So what are you going to do about it?!

Don't get mad GET EVEN!

There is MONEY out there, you just need to know where to look for it. If you start early this will be easier. BUT not easy. It will take some hard work on your part.

These Ten Tips will help you in getting scholarships to pay for college:

1) Start ASAP and Apply Early - Many scholarships have early application deadlines, so don't miss out on these opportunities.

2) Search Locally - A local scholarship is probably your best chance for getting a College Scholarship. There are special scholarships just for locals, meaning it will be less competitive, as there are usually less applicants. Local Banks, Grocery Stores, clubs, businesses, organizations, and churches are all potential sources for community scholarships.

Also check State-funded scholarships. States have lots of money to disperse when it comes to providing education.

3) Read the Requirements - Make sure you are eligible right from the start, so you’re not wasting your time. Also, never pay to apply for a scholarship, these are usually scams.

4) Follow Instructions Carefully - Any errors right off the bat can get your scholarship application easily denied. Proofread it. Have someone else proofread it.

5) Neatly Presentable, Neatly Packaged - Send the Scholarship Application via Certified mail or better yet, FedEx, making your application look professional and stand out from others.

6) Communicate - Make sure the application is right. If you are not sure about something in the scholarship application, don't hesitate to ask.

7) Check School Specific Scholarships - Check with the college you would like to attend. Usually there are many school-specific scholarships available. This alone may be able to help you in your school decision making.

8) Visit a financial counselor at your School (if you have one, if not please send me an email so I can help) - A financial counselor may be able to lead you to scholarships you don't know about, or that aren't listed on the web. Find Scholarships that aren't very competitive by applying for ones that are not heavily advertised.

9) Be Active, Stay ALL UP IN THEIR GRILL - Being in a sports team, club or some type of community service will always better your chances at receiving a college scholarship.

10) Maintain your GPA - Keep your grades up. A higher GPA will make you eligible for more scholarships, on top of increasing your chances of receiving THE MONEY!

Click HERE for a little help finding some great scholarships.

I am a BIG believer in the power of "WANT". If you want something bad enough, you will find a way. If we want the fresh new pair of J's, or the new jeans that make our booty look good, we will find a way. So lets find a way to afford something that won't fade or rip, lets WANT something more for our lives.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Sc-HOLLA-rships!

2010-02-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

BIG Shout Out to Sarah Ramirez from Bioscience High School for the inspiration!

Me: Can I get A What What?

Student: What?

Me: No, a WHAT WHAT?

Student: What are you whating about?

Me: Wow...

This was an exact conversation that I recently had with a student. I feel old :(

Today I wanted to take a moment to talk about a very important topic SCHOLARSHIPS!

SHOW ME THE MONEY!!

I don't know about you but things are TOUGH right now. Instead of Show Me The Money, it's more like WHERE's the money!!

One thing that I have noticed over the years is the amazing ability to be BROKE AS A JOKE. Even if mom and dad hook us up, even if we have a job at Taco Smell, we always seem to end up BROKE! What's up with that? I'll tell you. We SPEND money. Ha. Simple right? Wrong.

How many of you are saving for college right now? Don't worry I'll wait...........

EXACTLY! Hardly any of us!

SO we need to talk about the reality of how much it will cost you to go to college.

According to recently released reports from the College Board, most students and their families can expect to pay, on average, from $172 to $1,096 more than last year for this year's tuition and fees, depending on the type of college.

But there is good news. There is more than $168 billion in financial aid available. And, despite all of these college price increases, a college education remains an affordable choice for most families.

Although some of the college price tags you hear about can be CRAZY—$35,000 or more for yearly tuition and fees—most colleges are more affordable than you might think. For example, did you know that about 53 percent of students attend four-year schools with annual tuition and fees below $9,000? After grants are taken into consideration, the net price the average undergraduate pays for a college education is significantly lower than the sticker price. And remember, other forms of financial aid will further reduce the amount your family will actually pay.

CRAZY!!! I know this is a lot of information, but THIS is what you need to know.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Motivational Speaking With A dash of Crazy

2010-02-10T08:41:00.000-08:00

Good Morning Internet!

Today I am headed to Phoenix Union Bioscience High School. (mouthful) I am speaking to the school about "getting their higher education on". If I could do one thing for the rest of my life it would be speaking. I always ask myself what I would do for free if I didn't have to worry about money...this is IT!

Check out my video for Bioscience here

Let me clear my throat ahgh ahagh!

I recently attended a motivational seminar that will remain nameless ::cough:: Get Motivated ::cough::. First I will admit that listening to powerful speakers is amazing and if you have the opportunity to listen to the likes of Colonel Powell, Zig Ziglar, etc. I encourage you to attend.

Here's the THANG...

The one thing that gets me heated about "motivational speakers" are people's dependency on their message. ::whisper:: guess what? YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING THEY CAN and you don't have to spend thousands of dollars on their DVD's, CD's, Tapes (yes some of us still use tapes ha) and their AMAZING books. EVERYBODY HAS A BOOK NOW! My grandma has a book!

We have the power within us and it's a little thing called ATTITUDE!

It's not about your knowledge or your skills. Half the time you don't need to be better than anyone... BUT you have to want it more than they do. Success is a mindset and the sooner you tap into yours the sooner your life will make sense. Teenagers...just think where you can be in a year, five years, ten years from now with the right attitude. I am excited for you!

Keep It Real.

Murph

Stroke Face McGee

2010-02-09T07:17:00.000-08:00

Inspirational Song of The Day: Porcelain by Moby
Must See Movie: The Blind Side
Food Of The Day: BBQ Chicken Pizza
Quote Of The Day: “What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.” -Johann Wolfgang

Photo Shoot

I don't like to be photographed, but when your wife is a photographer sometimes you don't have a choice. I just hate looking at myself...ya know what I mean? I guess I just need to suck it up.

I am pretty sure that there was a moment today that Gina wanted to kill me. The whole shoot all she wanted was a genuine smile, I tried, but when you force a smile it comes out looking more like you had a stroke than cute. So if you can imagine a stroke face, that pretty much sums up the day.

Eyebrow Waxing For Dudes?

So how do you feel about this? When I started dating Gina about three years ago she told me she wanted to wax my brows. It's not like a had some crazy caterpillar uni goin on, she said it just looks cleaner. So I'm reaching out to the men of the world on this one, what do you think? Is it emasculating? If you do it are okay with the pain? YES, I think it hurts, call me what you want! It's not natural to yank hair out of your face! Not convinced...

In Other News..

Teen crashes car into school, drives down hall.

SHORELINE, Wash. – Sheriff's deputies said a 17-year-old boy crashed his parents' car through the doors of Shorecrest High School in Shoreline, then drove it down the hall. The car finally stopped 75 yards later when it hit a security office. Two school workers were still on the property and heard the crash.

Police found the teen on school grounds about an hour and a half after the crash late Friday night. He was taken into custody and then brought to Harborview Medical Center for a mental evaluation. Investigators said they do not believe drugs or alcohol played a role.

The boy, from Lake Forest Park, is a student at the school. He was not injured.

FOR REAL! I have never sat around and thought to myself "hmm, maybe I could drive to the store...or maybe to my buddies house..oh wait, I will just drive down the hall of my school!" Much better idea. NOT! Classic case of not using your brain syndrome.

Have things ever been this bad in your own life? Maybe your not driving a car in your school, but bad enough to do something crazy?

At one point in my life this would have almost sounded tempting. Life as a teen isn't easy...but we can make it easier. We can help each other. If you have an issue or feel like you need advice please go to my ASK MURPH ANYTHING link and fire away. You can even submit a question anonymously! You don't have to carry IT around.

Keep It Real.

Murph

Who's Murph?

2010-02-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

Hey, internet. It's me, Marcus. I'm following my dream and this is part of the journey. Expect BIG things, I do.

I'm gonna keep it real. There are some things you need to know about me before we become blog friends.

1. I'm loud, and I don't care.
2. Jesus is kind of a BIG part of my life.
3. I am obsessed with 80's movies, clothes, music, etc. AND I am not ashamed.
4. Hip Hop was my first love. Crazy sneakers was my second.
5. I REALLY love my wife Gina. We got hitched on Halloween. No we didn't wear costumes.
6. I love my family.
7. I have a little ugly/beautiful Boston Terrier named Paisley.
8. My wife Gina is an International Wedding Photographer. Check her out!
9. When I'm not working I am usually watching The Office. I wish I could meet a real life Dwight, that would be crazy funny!
10. I really believe that all teenagers have the ability to be successful.
11. Bet your booty I will say what is on my mind.
12. I LOVE soccer, and I keep up to date on all the scores and matches world wide at: www.footytube.com
13. I love to cook.
14. Sometimes I like to pull up next to people at a red light and pick my nose.
15. I graduated High School almost dead last in my class. I graduated college at the front. Ask me how?

In the spirit of KEEPING IT REAL, on the blog you will find a section called ASK MURPH ANYTHING. This gives you the opportunity to literally ask me anything and I will give you real answers.

Keep It Real.

Murph